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There was a time in my life when I was so sure of everything. I knew what i wanted to do as a career, I was going to play college football and then graduate with a degree in Aerospace Engineering to work for NASA. Today my life looks nothing like it. After a year of horrible injuries in football, I was left with a body that could not sustain a full football season without 2 to 3 major surgeries. I also decided to transfer schools because I needed to get away from some of the more negative influences I had on Case's campus. I decided to go to Hillsdale and, while I know now that this decision was the best for me and something God wanted me to do, it has left me for the past year and half struggling to find my identity.

It seems like everywhere I turn I can't really fit in with anyone. To the athletes I'm not an athlete on Hillsdale's campus so noone can respect me that way. To the ordinary students, I am still too much like an athlete to be respected. I have seen friendships slowly slip away as I have been at Hillsdale for no apparent reasons so I am tempted to think its me.

The same goes for girls! To them, I am just like theyre "older brother." I get stuck in the friend stage with girls and then if they find out that I like them, suddenly things get weird. No girl on campus ever likes me in a dating kind of way so I am stuck in this single period of my life. I know this is probably because of my weight but girls dont stop and realize that the biggest reason why Im this big right now is because i couldnt run for like 8 months straight after I stopped playing football. You know its funny, cuz girls are always saying that they don't look at the outside of a guy when deciding if they like him, its the inside that matters, I think its just not true most of the time. I try not to let it get the best of me but when you see girls you like going out with guys that aren't good for them and you know they will never like you, its frustrating!

But anyways, what can I do?? I can't change the way people are or how they see me. I guess I will just concentrate on impressing the ONLY ONE WHO MATTERS, Jesus. Maybe one day it will be my turn to have a girlfriend seeing as I am the only one out of my friend-group who hasn't had a serious relationship ever. Maybe one day it will be my turn. Until girls can view me differently, it might be a while...